Page 484 - Štemberger Tina, Čotar Konrad Sonja, Rutar Sonja, Žakelj Amalija. Ur. 2022. Oblikovanje inovativnih učnih okolij. Koper: Založba Univerze na Primorskem
P. 484
ela Vunderl and Mitja Krajnčan
poor self-confidence and self-esteem, overall sensitivity and less flexibility to
cope with problems and express their emotions. They often come from dys-
functional families, in which they were in stressful situations (quarrels, abuse,
authoritarian education, lack of confidence and expression of positive emo-
tions) (Resch 2001).
All three girls felt power, control and satisfaction when they first harmed
themselves. The family circumstances also had a rather strong impact on the
start of their self-harm. Tara believes that she has quite a normal family, where
the parents were not much present. The reason in her case is the absence of
parents. Tara was alone a lot of time and she also occupied herself with her-
self. She did not miss her parents, because she thought that was the way it
should be. XX never got along with her mother. Quarrels in the family and al-
cohol left a very important mark on Ema’s growing up. Ema is also struggling
with a serious form of depression. Her parents did not stand by her when she
was diagnosed, because they were unable to reconcile themselves to the fact
that their little girl had depression. The parents often ran away from reality
in alcohol intoxication.
Family is the place where the deepest feelings of belonging, love and in-
terconnectedness are expressed. It is a place where the children are uncon-
ditionally accepted for themselves. It is a place of their maximum safety and
certainty. All this is missing in pathological families. Children of alcoholics feel
guilty for the situation in the primary family also as adults. They know that
everything was wrong in their homes, but they cannot point their finger at
their parents, saying you are guilty! No, parents are untouchable, good, self-
sacrificing. The duality between the cruel reality of pathology in the family
and the messages of parents that they love their children breaks them at the
end. The lives of children in such families can be compared only to the life of
people in concentration camps (Perko 2011).
It is clear from the testimonies about the situations that triggered self-
harm activities that Tara and Ema started with self-harm by chance. Tara did
it out of curiosity, because her friend also did it. Ema started experimenting
to see how much she can take. The problem with Ema was depression, which
was diagnosed too late. With the help of self-harm, Ema later managed her
depressive states. Depressive moods obstructed her school obligations. She
was dissatisfied and she closed into her room even more frequently, where
she broke down and could not fight her feelings anymore. In her state, cut-
ting acts as an antidepressant.
Ema says: ‘During cutting I like to repeat several times: “All the pain in your
head is now in your skin.” When the wounds and scratches stop hurting, I
484
poor self-confidence and self-esteem, overall sensitivity and less flexibility to
cope with problems and express their emotions. They often come from dys-
functional families, in which they were in stressful situations (quarrels, abuse,
authoritarian education, lack of confidence and expression of positive emo-
tions) (Resch 2001).
All three girls felt power, control and satisfaction when they first harmed
themselves. The family circumstances also had a rather strong impact on the
start of their self-harm. Tara believes that she has quite a normal family, where
the parents were not much present. The reason in her case is the absence of
parents. Tara was alone a lot of time and she also occupied herself with her-
self. She did not miss her parents, because she thought that was the way it
should be. XX never got along with her mother. Quarrels in the family and al-
cohol left a very important mark on Ema’s growing up. Ema is also struggling
with a serious form of depression. Her parents did not stand by her when she
was diagnosed, because they were unable to reconcile themselves to the fact
that their little girl had depression. The parents often ran away from reality
in alcohol intoxication.
Family is the place where the deepest feelings of belonging, love and in-
terconnectedness are expressed. It is a place where the children are uncon-
ditionally accepted for themselves. It is a place of their maximum safety and
certainty. All this is missing in pathological families. Children of alcoholics feel
guilty for the situation in the primary family also as adults. They know that
everything was wrong in their homes, but they cannot point their finger at
their parents, saying you are guilty! No, parents are untouchable, good, self-
sacrificing. The duality between the cruel reality of pathology in the family
and the messages of parents that they love their children breaks them at the
end. The lives of children in such families can be compared only to the life of
people in concentration camps (Perko 2011).
It is clear from the testimonies about the situations that triggered self-
harm activities that Tara and Ema started with self-harm by chance. Tara did
it out of curiosity, because her friend also did it. Ema started experimenting
to see how much she can take. The problem with Ema was depression, which
was diagnosed too late. With the help of self-harm, Ema later managed her
depressive states. Depressive moods obstructed her school obligations. She
was dissatisfied and she closed into her room even more frequently, where
she broke down and could not fight her feelings anymore. In her state, cut-
ting acts as an antidepressant.
Ema says: ‘During cutting I like to repeat several times: “All the pain in your
head is now in your skin.” When the wounds and scratches stop hurting, I
484
